As the year 2020 comes to a close, my interest and need to look back is somehow stronger than it’s ever been. Maybe because of the sheer surreal nature of the past many months, I have felt unprepared and overwhelmed, to be honest. Thankfully, I’ve had a knack for the ability to compartmentalize in my life; that is, giving things a place, of sorts, and then leaving them there to exist on their own. If I’ve looked back at all, it’s been from a bystander’s view, as if it wasn’t my own story on which to reflect. Not sure if that makes any sense, but it has served me well over the years, in terms of my self-preservation and survival.
THIS year, though, has been incredibly difficult and challenging (and I’m NO stranger to challenging). A virus began to make its way through our world, seeking to slow us down, if not beat us down altogether. It’s reach has been overwhelming and devastating, no matter race, gender, ethnicity or religion.
Then, on April Fool’s Day, my father passed away at the age of 96. Yes, it was a full life, well-lived, but the intensity of emotion I felt was quite unexpected. It managed to stir my feelings of loss from so many years ago. Of course any therapist worth his or her degree would have called it as typical and routine, but I was blindsided by its weight. As an only child who now would no longer have a living parent, I felt lost. I would have to look inward everyday to gather the strength to move forward.
I choose to focus on my children and the lives they are meant to live ahead and all of the potential bursting within them. I choose to focus on my life that I am meant to live ahead and all of the potential within me.
MEMENTO MORI, the idea that life is not guaranteed to us, and that each moment may be our last, has become my default mindset, and for that I’m grateful. It was my husband’s introduction to this centuries-old philosophy that has captivated me. Memento Mori brings us back to the NOW, to the present moment. For those of you reading this, right now, you are HERE! So, now what?
